A Thank You Note

It's that time of year where we take a moment and think on those things for which we are grateful. It has been a challenging year for me, but I realize especially in the past several weeks that I have so much to be thankful for. So I thought I'd get my gratefulness written out.'

First and foremost I am thankful for my family. My mother and brother Rob have been here through what has been the darkest time of my life. I really appreciate Rob giving me a place to stay through this as well as balancing that line of letting me rest and heal on one hand and getting my butt out of bed to work or go to the gym rather than wallowing all day on the other. Of course my whole family has been there for me and I feel the love and support from everyone including Jen's family. Our trip to Daytona with them has to be a highlight of this year. If there has been a silver lining to any of this, it has been that it helped me reconnect with my youngest brother Billy that I really needed.

Of course my closest family is Jen and the boys, and they are key to me getting better as well. The boys have grown into fine men, and I really appreciate the way they've made time in the past year to be with us on vacation, but also the times they have even just dropped by the house. And what can I say about Jen? "In good times and bad.. In sickness and health," has really been pushed to the extreme this year. I'm looking forward to getting back home and starting the rest of my life with her.

I am grateful for all my wonderful friends. My social network collapsed with my promotion to manager and then the pandemic. The pandemic has been so difficult on the social networks for so many of us. I felt very lonely and isolated at times. I have had so many great friends reach out lately, some of which I haven't spoken to in so long. I want my friends to all know that I love them regardless of how frequently or infrequently we talk. I want them also to know that I am here for them as well. I want to promise to always be there, though I know I need to rebuild trust in my promises. 

Acquaintances. A special shout out of gratitude to everyone who reached out some of whom I barely know and many whom I've never met in "real life". I savor every note of encouragement. Seriously, even the smallest, "Hang in there," is so appreciated. A special note to the Firehouse community: I am so grateful I get to be associated with you all. When I say that I need to rebuild my social network I am looking straight at you and can't wait to attend some fun events in 2023. 

I am grateful for AA, especially the Lily Gulch group down here in Littleton. I think if you are an alcoholic trying to recover, you need a community. It is simply too much to rely on oneself or even one other person. It really helps to surround oneself with many people who will support one's sobriety. It also helps to know that at almost any time there is a room of people somewhere who will be there to support my sobriety without judgement.

Following on that, I am thankful that I have a Higher Power. Though I am merely human and do not understand my own purpose yet, I have faith that human life is purposeful because there is some greater Good. With a sober mind and mindful intent, I am optimistic that I will find my purpose. 

I am grateful I have a therapist who relates to me and offers sound advice. Whether I take that advice or not is totally on me! We're making progress. It may be ten steps forward before alcohol sends me nine back, but it's progress. (And I do realize it isn't alcohol that is the problem, but it is my choosing to drink the alcohol that is the problem!) I also appreciated my group therapy group. I am sure you have heard the saying "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." My IOP group epitomized that saying. There were folks from their early twenties to their late 70s. There were manual laborers, those of us tech professionals, and a heart-breaking number of nurses. I cannot over-emphasize the devastation on people's mental health that the pandemic policies that isolated us have had. I have so much appreciation for the mental health professionals out there working to repair us!

I have to give gratitude for my little dog, though he would probably prefer shredded chicken. I will never get to hold my own child, but when I think on how much I love Buck and how happy he can make me, I begin to understand how parents must love their children. He's just a dog. I can only imagine how a child who had the best parts of both Jen and I would capture my heart. How Buck anchors me in this world, though, is something I  cannot express without people realizing I am completely cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. I have to give a mention for William Butler Fish, who is doing great having me close by so much of the time, and to the chickens who made me breakfast over the past year, God rest their little chicken souls.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!