Saving Mary

The challenge this time was to write a thriller/suspense in 100 words or fewer. The story had to include the action of drinking beer and the word "beat" (or some form of that word). I love the challenge of trying to get a story created with such a minimal word count. It isn't beautiful writing. There just aren't enough words to put much window dressing on it. Anyway, here is "Saving Mary".

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That last shot hit him like a sledgehammer. His head swimming and vision blurred, Tony missed left. He adjusted his stance, adjusted his aim. Just left again! One last shot to save Mary. Tony burped and tasted tequila.

"One dart to close out the 18!" Marco laughed, took a swig of beer, and gave Mary a wink.

What a stupid bet -- Marco's bike against a night with Mary. He had wanted that Supersport. He exhaled and threw.

“Damn! Clutch making that double to beat me.” Marco handed Tony keys, while Mary kissed him trying to hide her disappointment.

We ALL Die in the End

Another thought experiment. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I'm an "advocate" (INFJ, apparently). I'm here to help you, so please indulge me.

Imagine you have cancer. The doctor tells you you have a 90% chance of dying in the next five years. How will you live your life. How does your life change?

Imagine a different prognosis: You will die within the next five years. No bout a doubt it. It doesn't even need to be about cancer. Maybe a gypsy fortuneteller you really respect had a premonition or a fiery bush just suddenly began speaking to you saying you were going to be called to God's side, whatever. How will you live your life? Is it different than if you have that 10% chance of living past the five-year prognosis?

Imagine you have a year tops. Now how does your life change? Would it be different if you knew you had exactly one year, like knew you had exactly 365 days to get done whatever you were hoping to do? What would you have planned for that 365th day?

How about 30 days?

What about a single day? No time to prepare. I'm not talking about the 365th day of your last year or that the governor just denied your stay of execution, and the prison canteen is about to put out the last spicy Hawaiian pizza you will ever taste because they aren't going to fly it in from Colorado like you wanted. Nope. I mean you wake up and you just know that whatever you do today you will not wake up tomorrow. How do you spend it?

Now imagine the dying person isn't you but is your parent. They're very likely to be gone in the next five years. How do you spend that time? What if you only had a year left with them? How would your life change? Or would it? Thirty days? Their last day?

What if it were your spouse? You have less than five years left together. How much time will you spend with them? Will you go somewhere together, a big trip? Would you go so far as quitting your job? What about if it were for one year? Thirty days? Do you imagine your life would change more if it were your spouse who were dying and had just a month or if it were you? What about that final day?

What about a friend, someone who means a lot to you, has been special in your life, and you don't see too often now? They have five years. Do you make plans to see them more than you had in the previous five? What if it's only a year? Do you make a special trip to see them, knowing it will probably be the last? A month? At what point do you begin telling them how much their friendship has meant to you?

About 8000 people die every day in the United States. That's a little over 330 people per hour. Five and a half every minute. None of us gets out alive.

Testes. Testes. One. Two. Three?

Just testing out a scheduled post! This was written in the early hours of the 19th and should be published in 3 days. 

Don't Trifle with all that Thrust

So SpaceX's Starship did not make it into orbit today, but nonetheless is being hailed as a success. It is definitely quite spectacular to watch it go up. I can only really imagine seeing, hearing, and feeling all those rocket engines firing. I've watched a lot of Falcon 9 launches. There are, fittingly, nine Merlin engines. I've seen a couple Falcon Heavy launches. Those are like three Falcon 9s strapped together with 27 Merlin engines. The first stage of Starship has 33 Raptor engines which deliver twice as much thrust as their Merlin counterparts. It's A LOT of thrust. Then the upper stage of Starship has another six Raptor engines. 

I have not yet seen what SpaceX is saying about the launch, but even before the launch it was being reported what a triumph this would be if the world's largest rocket even left the pad, "Other interested parties are less hyperbolic [than Elon Musk], but no less optimistic. 'As soon as that thing launches the first time, they’re going to learn so much and they’re going to be at warp speed,' says Isaacman. 'I have no doubt there will be a lot of hardware and engines just ready to go.'" I've become a big fan of the idea as stated by Mark Zuckerberg of "move fast and break things". It's fallen out of favor with some people generally, but I'm a strong believer that this is really t best way to innovate. So much will be learned -- Thousands of ways how not to build a lightbulb in a single launch.

I've been struggling with what I can only really hope is simply a mid-life crisis. Half a life spent in figuring out how not to make a lightbulb. I suppose that maybe if I knew that my life from the start was to be spent trying to create a better lightbulb, perhaps I would have made some more progress on it so far. I haven't even gotten that far in finding what it is I am really supposed to be doing with my life. Thinking about Starship, though, maybe my purpose isn't really meant to be a perfectly successful mission. Like I said to Jen tonight, I admire Elon Musk's willingness to move forward without everything being perfect. If they waited until they knew with 99.999% certainty that Starship was going to get into orbit, they would simply never end up launching anything. life isn't going to be perfect. Maybe we do the best we can and leave as much data behind for the next generation to comb through to find where things went wrong.

Jen was telling me tonight about a documentary she watched on the Cassini project. The Cassini mission to Saturn lasted twenty years, thirteen of which were spent exploring and photographing Saturn. Cassini returned almost a half-million images of Saturn and its moons. It discovered six new moons and traveled almost five billion miles. It ended it's life burning up in Saturn's atmosphere recording and sending data back all the way. It was sacrificed to the atmosphere of the planet rather than quietly landing on one of the moons so as not to accidentally pollute an environment that may hold life and may even be able to sustain human life. Cassini was a step toward life outside of our solar system. 

I have made a lot of mistakes in life. Maybe my purpose all along hasn't been how to create a better lightbulb. Maybe it is more of a data-discovery mission. I could probably write a book on how not to overcome mental illness. It isn't something to trifle with and not something to ignore. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away. I hope when I do leave this earth it can be in a rocket ship. Outside of that, I hope I can leave enough data for some forensics study to comb through and maybe shed light on what just didn't go right. And maybe have them scratching their heads muttering, "What's with all the drawings of lightbulbs?" 

A Cry for Help

You've heard that urban legend about Phil Collins and the drowning boy and the camp counselor that did nothing, right? You know, there's a camp counselor and Phil and the boys are out swimming late and one of the boys starts to drown and the camp counselor just watches him instead of helping? And then like years and years later Phil gets this guy front-row tickets to one of his shows and then puts the spotlight on the guy just as he begins to play "In the Air Tonight"? It makes for a great urban myth because we think to ourselves, What kind of monster would do that? It HAS to be fake, right? But it has just enough truth that we can ALMOST believe it. At least it has enough truth to it that when we tell our younger cousin, or he then goes and tells his little classmates, they're going to believe it. And in your mind, as a little kid you're thinking, there are some seriously messed up people out there that will watch a drowning kid just drown when it's so easy to just throw a life ring.

The book I am reading now, The Dawn of Everything, brings up this situation in relation to how we talk about egalitarian states. The authors of the book talk about throwing a life ring to someone we see struggling to stay above the surface of the water as communism in its purest form (communism as an economic system as opposed to a social system). You, the potential savior, have something I, the drowning person, need. You would certainly throw the ring even if I were someone you despised (given you had any shred of humanity in your heart), freely, of course. In that sense, we live in comparative equality, both of us come out of it with our lives. Compare this to the other extreme of negotiating a mutual price before I agree to throw the life ring in. In an absolute capitalist society, how much money would you want to extract before you threw the ring? And you could certainly extract more the closer I was to actually drowning. Probably nothing or close to, right? (Unless you were a total monster, of course.)

Now let's flip this on it's head. Suppose you are dying, but there is a treatment that could save your life. How much would you be willing to pay for that treatment? You can name any price but you have to go into debt for the part you cannot afford. What if it were your spouse dying? An elder parent? A younger sibling? A dear friend? What if it were your dog or cat? A total stranger?

How much would you be willing to pay to save your marriage? What is the maximum price a genie could extract from you to give you the gift of the job you always wanted? How much would you be willing to pay if you could instantly acquire a skill you've always wanted like to play a musical instrument or learn to surf? If you could make amends with someone who you feel wrongly despised you, is there an amount of money you would pay to be able to sit down at coffee and explain your side of the story?

Back to throwing that life ring? If you had the cure, how much would you ask of a loved one in order to save their life? A dear friend? A total stranger? If your spouse cheated on you, is there an amount of money they could pay to convince you to stay? If a friend wanted to learn a skill you knew and was willing to pay any amount of money for your time to teach it, how much would you ask? If an old friend who hurt you wanted to sit down at coffee so that they could explain their side, how much money would it cost them?

If a dear friend were hospitalized and you were asked to make a donation towards their foreseeable medical costs, how much would you donate? An acquaintance? An old high school classmate? If a friend said they were going to run a marathon to raise money for a charity you endorsed and asked you to make a donation based on mileage, what's the total you would be willing to make? Would it matter how far they planned on going, a 10k (6.2 miles) versus a marathon (26.2 miles)?

Revisiting our drowning person. How sure would you need to be that they were drowning before you helped? If you see a person choking in a restaurant at the table next to yours, how long would you wait before aiding them? Does it matter how many other people are around or at their table? What if that person WERE at your table? What if it were your spouse? Your dear friend who is there with their spouse? If a family member were having financial troubles, how much would you be willing to lend? What if it were the second or third time they came to you? What about a dear friend?

You are on a pier, a life ring nearby. You see a stranger being swept out in the current. They call out for help. How willing would you be to help? What if there were plenty of other people around? What if that person were your spouse? What if it were a dear friend? How far would you go?

My Sunrise Sermon (Read in the Voice of Jerry Seinfeld) or "What's the Deal with Easter?"

I attended not one, but two sunrise Easter services on the beach yesterday with my mother and her neighbor. I am only nominally a Christian. Do I believe Christ was a real man who taught, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?" Yes. Do I believe he died on the cross bearing the sins of the world? Okay. Do I believe he was resurrected and ascended into heaven? *Shrugs* There are much weirder things that scientists have actually discovered. (How does an election split itself in two and go through BOTH slits in the double-slit experiment until you actually try to observe it doing so, at which point it only goes through one?) So, sure. It's beside the point, to me.

I believe in the Logos, that is "The Way, the Truth, and the Light," as Jesus put it. There IS an inherent "Good" in the world and Jesus taught it, Mohammed taught it, and the Buddha taught it, each to their own audiences in their own context of place and time. I frankly really do not care how you come by the Truth, and the particulars of my own faith in it are a subject for a different blog post.

This one is about Easter and all the renewal that comes with springtime. Jennifer and I spent many years celebrating Easter in Las Vegas - Mecca of all that is Good and True - since that was the time chosen for one of our favorite events, Viva Las Vegas. There were Lenten seasons when I gave up booze, at least in some form or fashion, and then would indulge (heavily at times) once Lent finally ended. And, brothers and sisters, after a good bender like that, wanting to repent all your sins on Easter Sunday came rather easily.

But I always thought that Easter was a good time to turn over a new leaf, better even than the New Year celebration. The gyms are certainly less crowded, and it is easier to get outdoors in the better weather that April brings. It has always been time of spiritual renewal for me, and I have needed it more this year than ever before. In his homily yesterday the Catholic priest spoke of finding Jesus in those who suffer. "And you don't need to look far," he added. The sick, the poor, the lonely, the broken-hearted. Well, I'm not poor, but otherwise I feel like I am batting .750 on that score. Then he said, "Don't let yourself be caught in the cave of hatred, of anger, of loneliness, of despair." Check, check, check, and check. 

Last Thursday I was as low, as depressed, as sad, and as lonely as I think I have ever been. I wrote a journal entry filled with pain, loneliness, anger, and despair. I felt lonely and abandoned. Hollow. Weak and inadequate. Depression puts these blinders on you, so that you cannot see any light, cannot see any way out of your situation. Rolls the stone in front of the tomb. How's that for a metaphor? The difference between Thursday and that day back in mid-October was the drinking. There is liquor here in the condo, and I knew it would make me feel good, for a bit. I know, too, that it is like playing Russian Roulette with bullets in 5 of 6 chambers. AA saved my life once again. The other thing, too, is that I know now that I have a purpose. Never mind what it is just now, a topic for yet another blog post. I know too, that it is something that I need to overcome my fear and selfishness before I can set out upon it. I knew I was extremely tired and that things would look different in the light of the next day.

I took a walk that night to the beach. I returned angry and determined. Yes, angry. At myself as well as others. I have become an expert on bottling up anger, bottling up emotion of any sort. What has it done for me? Left me sad and depressed. My closest friends have either abandoned me or outright stabbed me in the back. I have let that resentment build inside of me because I am selfish. I don't need Joseph to roll the stone in front of the cave I am in. I can do it all on my own.

I took that same walk the next morning as the sun rose. The sun continues to rise, people continue to live their lives, just as they will when I have long left this earth. People continue to suffer. They continue to get sick, hungry, feel hurt, abandoned, afraid, lonely, abandoned, and shattered. People will continue to feel self-loathing, selfishness, and anger towards others -- in a dark cave with seeming no way out, waiting on some miracle.

It does not take a miracle to give those people a glimmer of light. It need not come from you quoting Scripture to them. A nice compliment can change someone's day. Reaching out to someone you have not talked with in a long time may be all it takes to keep them from spiraling into a hole they cannot dig out of on their own. Simply saying to someone, "Do you want to talk about it?" when you know they are going through a difficult time is sometimes all the help they may need.

It has been a difficult winter. I do not mean that in just the literal sense, of course. Caves are dark and lonely places, but they can feel safe and secure at the same time. The world outside of them has bears and lions (and Broncos! Oh my!), but Jesus, Mohammed, and the Buddha did not take their truth and wisdom and hide away with it. They lived, as humans, and literally embodied that truth. Spread light. He is risen! The sun has risen yet again! It is springtime! Hallelujah

Get Yer Peanuts Here!

There is a great produce place down here in Cape Canaveral called Mater and Tater's. It's one of the first places I go when I am down here. We have a pretty Smeg juicer down here that I am determined to get my money out of. ("Smeg" is Swedish for expensive, I believe.) So, I like hitting the produce place thinking one of these days they are going to have big bags of valencia oranges for cheap. One would think that oranges were generally inexpensive in Florida and generally very available. One would be mistaken. The latest trip to Mater and Tater's yielded no cheap oranges. There was a good selection of rather expensive, easy to peel navel oranges. There was also some grapefruit at $1.50 per grapefruit. This is excellent if you want to pay $1.50 for a glass of fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice. I decided that I would get two of those and make a note to sell some plasma this week.

Mater and Tater's has a discount table. The selection on this trip consisted mostly of cucumbers. I figured I'd do a quick pickle one night, so picked up four cucumbers for 17 cents or something. (Probably more like $1.50 in actuality.) The other bargain I scored was a big bag of raw peanuts for three bucks. Raw peanuts in the shell look pretty much like roasted peanuts. How different could they be? I mean, when you get peanuts from the store, do they taste roasted? You can easily tell roasted pork from unroasted pork but not so much when it comes to peanuts, so I figured, Is there really that much of a difference between the two? Friends, roasting makes a difference.

Last night I decided I was going to have some peanuts. It is probably more of a texture thing, as the roasted peanuts still taste like peanuts, just a bit more, well, raw. They aren't crunchy though. I don't normally think of peanuts as being especially crunchy anyway, but the raw ones just seemed kind of stale. Like what a stale potato chip is to a normal potato chip is what a raw peanut is to a roasted peanut. I didn't have seconds.

The good news is that it is pretty easy to roast raw peanuts in your over. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees, put the peanuts in on a single layer in a baking pan, and bake them around 12 minutes. Then give them a stir and bake them another ten or so minutes. Leave them for a few minutes to let them cool and finish baking. Voila! They really tasted much better and tasted better than those you get in the store or ballpark. Part of it was the warmth, but I think a big part was the freshness. Makes me wonder how long those other peanuts have been sitting around.

So why would anyone buy raw peanuts, I asked myself. I turned to ChatGPT for the answer, as I have been doing rather frequently lately. Turns out if you are making your own peanut butter, you do want to roast the peanuts first as well, just not so long as if you are eating them out of the shell. ChatGPT suggests roasting them just 10-12 minutes before putting them in the blender with a couple tablespoons of oil and blending them smooth. If you want crunchy peanut butter, stir in some chopped up peanuts after getting your batch of smooth stuff. Also add salt to taste.

If you are making boiled peanuts, you want to start with raw peanuts. Listen, I am never, ever going to make my own boiled peanuts. I've had them. I don't know why people would want to ruin a perfectly good peanut by boiling it. If you are looking to make your own boiled peanuts, you'll have to keep looking for a recipe. I'll just tell you that you start with raw peanuts.

I am going for some sort of award for the most eclectic blog in the universe. Where else can you find peanut recipes, bad haiku, and how to create a Windows installer all amongst a good amount of teenaged angst coming from the mind of a man approaching fifty? 

Even drones can fly away

The sakura bloom

Brief clouds of extreme beauty

That abandon you.