I attended not one, but two sunrise Easter services on the beach yesterday with my mother and her neighbor. I am only nominally a Christian. Do I believe Christ was a real man who taught, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?" Yes. Do I believe he died on the cross bearing the sins of the world? Okay. Do I believe he was resurrected and ascended into heaven? *Shrugs* There are much weirder things that scientists have actually discovered. (How does an election split itself in two and go through BOTH slits in the double-slit experiment until you actually try to observe it doing so, at which point it only goes through one?) So, sure. It's beside the point, to me.
I believe in the Logos, that is "The Way, the Truth, and the Light," as Jesus put it. There IS an inherent "Good" in the world and Jesus taught it, Mohammed taught it, and the Buddha taught it, each to their own audiences in their own context of place and time. I frankly really do not care how you come by the Truth, and the particulars of my own faith in it are a subject for a different blog post.
This one is about Easter and all the renewal that comes with springtime. Jennifer and I spent many years celebrating Easter in Las Vegas - Mecca of all that is Good and True - since that was the time chosen for one of our favorite events, Viva Las Vegas. There were Lenten seasons when I gave up booze, at least in some form or fashion, and then would indulge (heavily at times) once Lent finally ended. And, brothers and sisters, after a good bender like that, wanting to repent all your sins on Easter Sunday came rather easily.
But I always thought that Easter was a good time to turn over a new leaf, better even than the New Year celebration. The gyms are certainly less crowded, and it is easier to get outdoors in the better weather that April brings. It has always been time of spiritual renewal for me, and I have needed it more this year than ever before. In his homily yesterday the Catholic priest spoke of finding Jesus in those who suffer. "And you don't need to look far," he added. The sick, the poor, the lonely, the broken-hearted. Well, I'm not poor, but otherwise I feel like I am batting .750 on that score. Then he said, "Don't let yourself be caught in the cave of hatred, of anger, of loneliness, of despair." Check, check, check, and check.
Last Thursday I was as low, as depressed, as sad, and as lonely as I think I have ever been. I wrote a journal entry filled with pain, loneliness, anger, and despair. I felt lonely and abandoned. Hollow. Weak and inadequate. Depression puts these blinders on you, so that you cannot see any light, cannot see any way out of your situation. Rolls the stone in front of the tomb. How's that for a metaphor? The difference between Thursday and that day back in mid-October was the drinking. There is liquor here in the condo, and I knew it would make me feel good, for a bit. I know, too, that it is like playing Russian Roulette with bullets in 5 of 6 chambers. AA saved my life once again. The other thing, too, is that I know now that I have a purpose. Never mind what it is just now, a topic for yet another blog post. I know too, that it is something that I need to overcome my fear and selfishness before I can set out upon it. I knew I was extremely tired and that things would look different in the light of the next day.
I took a walk that night to the beach. I returned angry and determined. Yes, angry. At myself as well as others. I have become an expert on bottling up anger, bottling up emotion of any sort. What has it done for me? Left me sad and depressed. My closest friends have either abandoned me or outright stabbed me in the back. I have let that resentment build inside of me because I am selfish. I don't need Joseph to roll the stone in front of the cave I am in. I can do it all on my own.
I took that same walk the next morning as the sun rose. The sun continues to rise, people continue to live their lives, just as they will when I have long left this earth. People continue to suffer. They continue to get sick, hungry, feel hurt, abandoned, afraid, lonely, abandoned, and shattered. People will continue to feel self-loathing, selfishness, and anger towards others -- in a dark cave with seeming no way out, waiting on some miracle.
It does not take a miracle to give those people a glimmer of light. It need not come from you quoting Scripture to them. A nice compliment can change someone's day. Reaching out to someone you have not talked with in a long time may be all it takes to keep them from spiraling into a hole they cannot dig out of on their own. Simply saying to someone, "Do you want to talk about it?" when you know they are going through a difficult time is sometimes all the help they may need.
It has been a difficult winter. I do not mean that in just the literal sense, of course. Caves are dark and lonely places, but they can feel safe and secure at the same time. The world outside of them has bears and lions (and Broncos! Oh my!), but Jesus, Mohammed, and the Buddha did not take their truth and wisdom and hide away with it. They lived, as humans, and literally embodied that truth. Spread light. He is risen! The sun has risen yet again! It is springtime! Hallelujah
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