Waiting for Born to Pull Weeds to be published

I'm almost finished with Born to Run (the book by Christopher McDougall about ultrarunning, not the Springsteen biography). It's a bit premature to say that it is life-changing. It definitely changed my week, though. I will just sidestep the controversy about whether runners should just ditch the running shoes. From personal experience, however, I do side with the idea that less shoe is better and that the shoe companies have worked to destroy what millions of years of evolution have practically perfected. (Full disclosure: I haven't tossed my New Balance 860's, but I have changed [long before reading the book] to a forefoot gait and alternate with shorter runs in Vibrams, and all the physical issues I had before with running have disappeared.) The main thing I took away from the book, however, wasn't about footwear or diet or gait. It was the simple idea that to be a better runner, one just simply needs to enjoy running.

I also just recently finished reading Mark Manson's book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, and one of many quotes I took from that was, "Action isn't just the result of motivation; it's also the cause of it." It's what we've long referred to as "the tail wagging the dog". Manson talks about the cycle of inspiration-motivation-action. Usually we wait for some sort of inspiration to strike us before we get motivated to go and do something. Once we end up acting on that inspiration we are often struck with more inspiring thoughts, more motivation, and urged to more action. His point is that instead of waiting for some inspiration, we should just start off by doing something, anything, and letting the inspiration and motivation come to us as a result. It doesn't even matter if the action is completely wrong thing, just so long as you get started; you'll get back on the right track in short order. For writers this might mean getting down "200 crappy words" in Manson's example. Runners often say that the first step is the most difficult step of a run.

I've known this idea, of course, long before I read either Manson or McDougall. I knew if I could just start working out or just start a run I would feel better once started, even though I felt awful about actually getting started. With that attitude, though, I was really struggling to run on a consistent basis. When I was honest with myself, I was really struggling to follow through on anything with a consistent basis. Something else McDougall says in his book though, also really resonated with me. We westerners, well maybe he said Americans specifically, are always looking to get something, to gain something from our actions. We run to lose weight or be healthy or even to qualify for the Boston Marathon or simply lower our time. Everything I was doing, not just running, was to gain something.

I honestly can't think of something apart from binge-watching "The Wire" that I have done recently simply for the fun of doing it [Well, and skiing... I definitely just ski because it makes me happy -- though two or three times in a winter isn't going to cut it]. I've either felt obligated to do something - going to work, weeding the yard, even taking a week off of work for vacation - or was looking to gain something - stopping drinking, going for a run, taking online programming courses. Not that doing all those things wasn't for good reasons, and not that I didn't enjoy my vacation or the runs or not putting up with the empty calories and lost memories due to drinking. My approach, however, my motivation was misplaced. If the motivation is because we feel obligated by some outside pressure, what happens when that pressure eases off? What happens when our own selfishness outweighs that outside factor. That sort of motivation just isn't as effective as motivation that come from within. Worse, if we are motivated by seeking some gains, there are two possible outcomes: we make those gains, get what we are seeking, or we don't. If we don't, we get frustrated. If we do make the gains, we are only led to want more. Get a promotion or raise and we want another. Lose five pounds and then we want to lose ten. Run a marathon in 3 hours 45 minutes and we try and get that time under 3 and a half hours. Win six Tour de Frances and we will do whatever it takes to win the seventh.

Do something because it makes you happy, though, and all the rest of the motivation works itself out. The narrator in one of my favorite movies says, "Fight Club became the reason to cut your hair short or trim your nails." I've already experienced the feeling this week. After my first couple of runs this week, runs that have been better than any I've had recently, I began thinking, I need to eat right so I can get back out there and run. I know it seems like I'm just trading one end for another, but the motivation is different. If you eat right because you really enjoy feeling healthy, good for you. I was trying to eat better because I felt like I was supposed to. That motivation came from without. Now I'm trying to do it as a means to an end that makes me happy.

After the revelation that happier runners are better runners that came from Born to Run, my next runs, like I said, were so much better than the other runs I've done recently. First, I shrugged away the idea that I was running to get a better time or lose weight. I mean, I'm still hoping for those things, but either decided or simply realized that those weren't the reasons I was running. Again I either decided or realized that I was running because I like to run. Suddenly I didn't care about time or distance. I didn't care how my legs felt, didn't even really notice. Admittedly there was still some tail wagging the dog going on. I forced myself to smile when my thoughts turned to getting tired. That action at least reminded me that I could simply slow down - no one cared what kind of time I turned in for a late Wednesday night run. Yesterday I even walked a bit, and the only times I've ever walked before was because I was "defeated", those times when the heat or wind or overambition forced me to stop running. I always felt awful for walking. Yesterday, I simply realized that running almost every day this week had sapped some strength in my legs. Twenty or thirty seconds walking would give my legs and mind a bit of a break in order to finish out the run strong, and I did.

Finally, even as I wrote this blog entry I began to think about those other things that really do make me happy -- writing, riding my bike, playing basketball -- that I haven't been doing because I've felt otherwise obligated by things that don't make me happy. Then I've thought about those things that I already do where the motivation has been skewed or misplaced somehow. As an eight year-old kid I used to sit in my room with a Timex-Sinclair 1000 computer hooked to a little black-and-white television, for hours inputting BASIC commands to get a line to march around the screen. I really do enjoy programming, but it became a chore. It became a means to not only put food on the table but also pay doctor and vet bills and put new cars in the driveway and buy bigger and better computers. I really do like yard work, particularly gardening and mowing the lawn. I've become frustrated though with the weeds and dry weather and chickens that eat all my tomatoes. Am I doing these things because I like to, because I need to, or maybe because they are a means to something else that I like?

Anyway, right now it's about 85 degrees, and I want to get a long run in. I have a feeling there may be some walking thrown in there, maybe even a good deal of walking. At least it will take my mind off of all the damn weeds though!